


Loud and Low, Fast and Slow

by HolyMad



Series: this will be 85% rewritten in a new series and all three stories happen at the same time (lots of text in the series description) [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Ace character, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Asexual Relationship, Bad Parenting, Canon Jewish Character, Christian Character of Color, Disturbing Themes, Jewish Simon Lewis, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), M/M, Pan Character, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Past Child Abuse, aroace character, christian Raphael Santiago, fiances, if you can live with the series you can live with this, one prereader cried
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-08 21:57:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyMad/pseuds/HolyMad
Summary: Raphael is in therapy after what happened in his childhood and with the short Lightwood girl.Simon joins when he his therapist retires. He talks about his late father, Maureen and Clary.Cat and Becca heavily ship Saphael.





	1. Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> The rixxy plot happened before. It's described kinda (in ch1) but the disgusting part is only mentioned. There will be mentions of Izzy.  
> The Maureen plot happened before, too. I think here is the only canon divergence. Maureen is dead when the story starts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pride Month Calendar 2017, Graveyard
> 
> A short introduction to today and a flashbark to know who they are. Deeper characterisation in later chapters and Bunny Bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added why Rapha needs the implants. Finally found an article that mentions one reason and a similar reason for the other ear. If you disagree with one or both scenarios, tell me.

“Hey! Rapha?”  
  
Raphael turns around. This is a place of quietness and contemplation. Not a place for Simon Lewis. _Why_ is he here.  
“Hi Simon. It’s still Raphael.”  
  
Simon steps closer and pulls Rebecca with him. Becca shoots her brother a look. So this is the glory of Raphael Santiago. Simon has not exaggerated. He _is_ cute.  
“I'll get you to it one day. This is my sister, Rebecca. We're visiting a friend’s grave, which is kinda the only thing you do in a graveyard, I guess. Except from stealing flowers-”  
She squeezes his hand.  
“Oh, okay. Yeah. Better. I'll just-” Simon just breaks off.  
  
Rebecca, huh. I have so much _respect_ for this woman.  
“How? Do you cope with him? All? Your life??”  
  
Becca can suppress a chuckle but still grins widely.  
“I don't, I think. You just learn to tune it out and only listen to the important parts.”  
  
The not at all overly talkative, who am I kidding, brother looks at his sister full of shock and betrayal.  
“You don't listen to my felicitous conversations??”  
  
Raphael’s grin splits his face.  
“You taught him a new word?”  
  
Now Rebecca has to laugh.  
“I like your friend!”  
  
Simon just begs and prays that his blush isn't as visible in the shadows of the trees.  
“We're not friends. We're just therapy partners. I've so often explained it to you.”  
  
He’s blushing. Is that a good sign? It is, isn't it? It shouldn't be. We're talking about Simon Lewis. The person who makes his life hell.  
“I like you, too, Rebecca. Simon, you have a very smart sister. Take a lesson from her once in a while.”  
  
“You can call me Becca, Raphael.”  
  
“Rapha, if you want.”  
  
Simon’s jaw falls to the floor.  
“You _both_ are very bad people!”  
He trudges away.  
  
Becca rolls her eyes.  
“Maybe we'll see each other again, Rapha. Simon wait! I don't know where to go!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
Rapha remembers the first time he met Simon. A few months ago he sat in his single group therapy like every Tuesday morning when Simon burst into the room.  
“Hi, am I right here? I’m Simon. I lost the room number and everybody looked confused when I said I have group therapy because they said all groups are full but that's what the letter said and now I've just been knocking on all doors and just, please, be my group.”  
  
In this minute Raphael knew his life was going down. He couldn't afford single therapy so, when this slot - at 8am - opened up, he seized the opportunity. The therapist was not exactly for his department but Raphael had so many issues it worked out. They talked about his parents, his abusive adoptive parents, being back in foster care, his drug abuse, a certain woman who traded his meth for her coke, which she had spiked with roofies, and the things he did remember from those nights. Nothing you want to talk about with other people. But now Simon stood there panting and anxious and their therapist looked apologising at her first patient.  
Raphael sighed and said, “Yes, we are your group. I'm Raphael and this is our therapist, Ms Loss.”  
  
Simon’s face lit up thousands of lumen. It was a nice view. At least his doom was a pretty doom.  
  
Ms Loss clasped her hands together. Mr Santiago already looked... smitten? She couldn't believe it. This closed up person had a liking in her new patient from the first minute.  
“I'm sorry, _Raphael_ , you knew this could happen any time.”  
  
“It's okay. I'll survive.”  
  
Simon fidgeted.  
“Huh, oh no. Am I wrong here?”  
  
“No. Come here, sit down. I just had the luck to get a group therapy without other group members. This is your group. Likely.”  
  
Simon is slightly afraid he'll die if he sits throughout all his sessions next to this gorgeous man but that man just patted on the chair next to him. It'd be impolite to sit anywhere else. Would there be other seats? Simon had stared at Raphael the whole time. He couldn't tell.  
“Yeah, uh okay. Oh, you have Cochlears? How well can you hear? I mean you obviously understood most of what I just said, I guess, but…”  
  
“It's basically as good as your hearing. Just maybe don't speak as fast.”  
I don’t want to have to read your lips and be hypnotised.  
  
“Oh well. I'll uh try?”  
  
“It's a start.”

"Raphael, as a start would you like to talk about your hearing? It would be a nice opener. If you want to."

"I guess, it'll come up sooner or later anyway. I was in foster care most of my life. My _family_ didn't care about us and I lost hearing on my left ear first. I was 8 and I had a bad cold that wasn't treated. My father never really understood it and became aggressive when I couldn't properly hear. One day he slapped me so hard my right ear became deaf, too. Finally I got back to a children's home and they got me a cochlear. Later I saved up for the second one because I was already beaten for only having one functioning ear. You just hear better with both ears."

"That's so sad and stupid and bad and-"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Oh, right. Not talking so much. I'm sorry, Raphael. I- I don't know what to do. I hope this therapy helps you and I'm not interfering with your progress."

"We'll see."

 

  
Ms Loss had watched the interaction silently. These two dorks are the perfect couple. She couldn't wait to find out what had happened to her newbie and how both would contemplate each other in therapy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
Raphael smiled at the memory of Ms Loss face. She was right. Simon had lost his father at an early age and only grew up with his mum and his sister - Becca. They talked about fathers and bad fathers and good fathers and fake fathers and how you can still be a full grown adult without a “great father figure” in your puberty. Whereas Raphael wasn't sure that Simon would ever grow up. Even if they both loved The Flash, Raphael would never wear a fanshirt outside his home and especially not to his first therapy session. But here he sat behind a bush in “hearing” range of his nerdy crush and followed their discussion.  
  
“Simon!! Oh my gosh he’s so cutee!!!”  
  
“Could you scream a little louder? I think he hasn't heard us yet.” He doesn't need to _hear_ you. Seeing your stunning face is enough, Simon. Don't get distracted, Rapha. Watch, don't dream.  
  
“Aw, bro, come on. Why don't you date already?”  
  
“Becca. Not everybody is ace or pan.”  
  
“You don't know. We are.” Woah. Jackpot. NO.  
  
“Dammit Becca. You know some people are straight. Clary is straight.”  
  
“Yaa, I'm not convinced. She's so _aggressively_ homophobe. It's suspicious. But Raphaaa could be gay, bi, ply…”  
  
“Could we stop discussing that here? In a graveyard? At Maureen’s grave? Where Raphael could sneak up on me all the time?”  
  
“Nope. Admit you have a crush.”  
  
“I don't always get a crush on everyone!”  
  
“I don't know. You crushing people always seem so weird. And you didn’t deny, by the way.”  
  
“But I'm not allowed to say being aroace is weird?” So Simon is pan? Or is he pan and ace? Pan and aro? A-spec at all?  
  
“No. I'm your big sister and you better respect me.”  
  
“Why would I do that?” Bad move, conejito. Respect your sister.  
  
“You're either treating me _subtly_ like a queen for a week or I'll tell mum you have a crush.”  
  
Simon opens his mouth and his chest rises. Probably a gasp? “You wouldn’t!”  
  
“You know I would.”  
  
“Becca!! She'd stalk him down!”  
  
“Protective of your crush?” She's got an evil smirk. Raphael _loves_ her already. Always good to see that you like your in-laws. Wait. They haven't even dated yet and he's already dreaming about marriage. Perfect.  
  
“He's not my crush.”  
  
“Mhm.”  
  
“I just wanna hold him forever. That's how I am with everybody.” Dios, Raphael could run over there and make that wish true. But that'd look quite stalk-y.  
  
“Yep. Sure. Now let's talk about your… ex?” What.  
  
“Becca. She's dead. How long are you going to bring up that I drunk hooked up with my drunk friend and forgot everything the next day? She _died_ that day, Becca. It was so bad she _died_.”  
  
“You know she died on her puke.”  
  
“Maybe she puked because of me??”  
  
“I think it was because of the bottle of tequila, Simon.”  
  
“Maybe she drank that because of me? What she was going to do? I'll never have sex again. People _die_ when I have sex, Becca.” Simon is the only person ever to come to such a conclusion. But why has he never talked about that in therapy? Would Raphael tell two strangers such a sad story? He just wanted to hug the smol tall rayito until he'd forget everything bad in the world.  
  
“Ya, well. Don't tell me. I'll never have sex. I love fucking with people but not sexually.”  
  
“Yes, say it. I'm your favourite victim.”  
  
“Of course, you are, Qetan!!” Raphael misses having siblings and hopes he's the only one to have ever touched drugs.  
  
“I hate you. And I'm taller than you.”  
  
“I love you, too. Now say sorry to your friend and then let's leave. I'm getting cold.”  
  
“I'm really sorry, Mauve, that I was too drunk to notice what happened to you. It's not my fault, it's not your fault. We were both too drunk to act like adults and everyone else either didn't care, was also drunk or busy with someone else. Becca, will I ever believe this nonsense?”  
  
“You should tell your new therapist finally?”  
  
“You do know that Raphael is there?”  
  
“I thought you don't have a crush? If he's just a stranger you can talk about it.”  
  
“Okay, I have the biggest crush ever on him and he's beautiful and soft and funny and I want him to be mine. Satisfied?” No, you can't run there, Raphi. Wait until next week. Walk _away_ now. Maybe not walk away. Might be suspicious if they see you sitting there. Just… try to look away. Now both boys cry. Great.  
  
“Simon. If he's any near as nice as you always describe him he'll accept you. But you really need to tell Ms Loss about it.”  
  
“I'll see.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
Ms Loss can _sense_ this will be a great session.  
“Good morning, my men. What do you want to talk about today?”  
  
“I- uh. My sister told me I have to talk about this with you guys so I'd like to start. I might not mention it at all if I'd have to postpone. Is that okay, Raphael?”  
  
“Sure. Get started. We only have 40 minutes. Remember.” You can do this, cariño.  
  
“Okay. So uhm. Can I have the Teddy?” Raphael is about to burn the giant plush and offer himself. He feels so bad for eavesdropping and thinks this is the right punishment for himself. Just sitting there and doing nothing.  
  
“Sure.” Ms Loss hands Simon the stuffed animal that is almost as big as Raphael. Which is not that much less than Simon, okay?  
  
“Wow. I'm going to do this. You'll help me, Teddy. Soo.  
When I finished university there was this huge party. Everyone was drunk. I barely remember anything, so this is mostly what others told me. And what happened the next days.  
People told me later that my friend Maureen had had a crush on me for a while but I always had this kinda crush on my best friend, Clary, which is another story but somehow connects to this. Whatever. Maureen first.  
Err, yeah. We were both so drunk that apparently we hooked up. The next day I found a used condom on the floor. Next to Maureen. She had puked in her sleep. We got her to hospital but she died in coma two days later.  
So basically I had my first sex while drunk and the unlucky girl died. I swore myself I'd never try it again.  
Then some years later Clary had a huge crush on a friend of mine, Dominic. He turned her down. She sulked and drank a lot that night and remembered I existed. She came crawling to me but if there had been any feeling left after she had abandoned me after that party, it vanished when I saw her there.  
She believed she was this irresistible girl of my dreams and… demanded things. I was fully sober, grabbed a knife and called the police. I think they mainly believed me because I was almost crying and I was really thin at that time, while Clary had been in that MMA school for Dom.  
The question in court was only to send her to jail or hospital. I fought for jail because while she belongs to hospital she's really homophobic and I wanted her to be surrounded by mad women. Yeah that’s my story. Thanks, Teddy.”  
  
“Thank you, Simon, for sharing this important piece of your past. Raphael? Do you want to say something?”  
  
Raphael doesn't say anything for a minute or two.  
“Simon, I'm so sorry. Don't take it the wrong way but what's Dom’s last name?”  
  
“Uh, Lightwood. Do you know him? WOW!”  
  
“I, can I leave?”

Simon’s heart breaks. Don't leave him. What can he say to change your mind?  
“Hey, I know he's cocky but he's a nice guy. I'm great friends with him and his brothers. Actually his big brother, Alec, is you know my Alec. Dad.”  
  
“Doesn't he have a sister?” Maybe he's talking about a different Dom and Alec? But who's called Lightwood??  
  
“Uhm… Yeah! She's in prison, too, I think. Dom is really unlucky with the girls!” Simon laughs. “Something about drugs? They barely talk about her and I’ve never dared to ask. I could, if you want me to?”  
  
“You don't know Izzy?”  
  
“Izzy! Right! Naw. Only heard bad of her, sorry. Is she a friend of yours?”  
  
Raphael looks at Ms Loss. She could help for once. Nope, she shakes her head with a grin. And then cocks her head towards Simon. He should tell him. Only fair after what Simon just said.  
“I'm the reason she's in prison.”  
  
“Sick! Do you want to tell me the story? You don’t have to.”  
  
“It'd be fair, don’t you think?”  
  
“Just because I talked, doesn't mean you have to, too.”  
  
“Today's a good day. Can I have Teddy?”  
  
“Uh, can we share? He's huge. You can have the head.” Simon shuffles up close with his chair and lays the bear onto their laps.  
  
Raphael runs his hands through the faux fur. He can do this, too. Teddy helps him and Simon's warmth is not exactly annoying...  
“Alright. Thanks. So you know my second parents. When I got back to foster care I was this small wreck. Don't say I still am. I'll make Teddy slap you.  
Anyways you don't get proper therapy in ‘care’ and I found therapy in drugs. I took cocaine to not cry all the time. They found out and I went to rehab. The therapist there liked me a lot and we actually made me clean in first try.”  
  
Simon is surprised and can't hold back a short comment.  
“That's an accomplishment, Raphael!”  
  
Raphael smiles slightly. “Thanks. So when I got back, the Lightwoods saw me as a charity project. They took me in. Funny thing, Izzy was on meth that time and her dealer was gone. I don't know if to jail or he moved or whatever dealers do. She figured I'd have connections to my dealers and wanted me to ask them for her meth. I refused and she managed to stick a finger with coke into my mouth. Being the rich brat she was she had high quality stuff and I was so badly hooked up again.”  
  
“No.” Simon whispers and lays his head on Rapha’s shoulder. He hugs Teddy’s legs tightly.  
  
Only took them five months. Ms Loss looks at her babies with bliss.  
  
Raphael closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Cuddling with his crush is not helping with thinking. “She told me, she'd get me more if I'd get her meth. We exchanged our... products and I was in heaven until their parents found us. She had spiked the coke with roofies and made me do… things. While sober I casually and so oblivious told her I'm ace, which toned it down, I think, but she didn't stop. She thought we had a connection.”  
  
Simon gasps sharply. This hits home. He looks at him. “It's over, Raphael. She’s gone. Is there more??”  
  
Rapha grins sadly. “No, not really. Her parents found us full on drugs and sent us to different rehab centres. I demanded to go to my former rehab to get the help of my friend. Since your friends are so rich, I was allowed there until I was 100% clean. I still testified against her and wasn't punished. Must be something about this face.”  
  
“It wasn't your fault! She started it.” Simon huffs and puts his head back on Rapha’s shoulder.”  
  
Ms Loss looks at the clock.  
“Unfortunately our time is up, guys. Maybe you'll talk on your own? See you next week.”  
  
Raphael doesn’t want to leave Simon. He grounds him.  
  
Simon doesn't want to leave Raphael either. They never talk about his friends. He doesn't want him to be alone now. Simon takes Rapha’s hand.  
“Come on, we'll leave here first.”  
  
“Great idea.” He squeezes the hand and they walk out of the building.  
  
Ms Loss is about to cry.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
They've barely left the building and Simon crushes Raphael in a hug.  
“I can't believe she did that! Her brothers are such good people!!” He sobs.  
  
Raphael nuzzles into Simon’s neck and smiles. Lavender. Weird.  
“As you said it's over, Simon, and she's in prison for what she did. Maybe she knows Clary?”  
  
“Oh no. They'd take over everyone in two months.”  
  
“I don't think there are many prisons in this area. Do you want to visit her?”  
  
“Hell no. Would you?”  
  
Raphael chuckles.  
“Nope. I'll stay right here.”  
  
“That's a great idea.”  
  
Is now the right time? Is there a right time? Raphael pulls back and. Simon. Whines.  
“Simon?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I have a crush on you.”  
  
This rayito. Simon’s face beamed blindingly. His hand carefully cups Raphael’s neck to not disturb the CI’s and leans in.  
  
Raphael pushes him back softly.  
“I'm ace.”  
  
Simon presses against Rapha’s hands on his chest.  
“Mhm.”  
  
“Even if you're okay with sex one day, I don't think I'll ever want it.”  
  
Simon still smiles.  
“Yep.”  
  
“Simon, please, be serious.”  
  
“I am. But can I kiss you already? I have this giant crush on you since forever and I don't wanna wait another second.”  
  
He sighs happily and runs his hands up to Simon’s nape into his hair pulling him down to a soft kiss. Simon starts talking but Raphael just takes advantage of his parted lips. They stay like this until Simon sways.  
“Have I kissed you mindless?” Raphael giggles - but Simon doesn’t answer. “Hey!”  
  
“Oh wow, this was so good. I need to increase my lung volume.”  
  
“You just fainted and already talk again.” Raphael deadpans.  
  
“Yep. Can we do this again?”  
  
“You're first getting oxygen back into your brain. Then.”  
  
“Cool.” He hugs Raphael around the waist and lays his head on his shoulder. It's more comfortable than earlier. Sideways. “Can I call you Rapha now?”  
  
Rapha groans.  
“There is no reason not to... Si?”  
  
“Si is cool.” Lavender. Simon never really liked lavender. Why does this make him feel calm?  
  
“I don't want to part. What are you up to today?”  
  
Simon raises his head again and looks into Rapha’s eyes.  
“Uhm… choosing rings?”  
  
“Huh? Why?”  
  
“Marry me, Rapha.”  
  
There's NO way Simon can read his mind. Right??  
“Shouldn't we go on a date first?”  
  
“We've talked in therapy for months. I love every facet of you and this was the best kiss of my life. I don't want anybody else.”  
  
Raphael is about to cry. He just slowly nods to not help any tears come out.  
“I have to teach you to stay conscious.”  
  
Simon grins widely.  
“Is that the only reason?”  
  
Raphael very likely looks as dopey as his fiancé.  
“Yep.”  
  
“Is it bad that I don't care?”  
  
“I don't care either.”  
  
“Can I kiss you now?”  
  
“Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you cried. I'm sorry if you did.


	2. Aftermath and being sensible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew Alec would be the sensible person in this universe? :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sappiest sap that ever sapped. Gotta neutralise their past. To explain a bit: Raphael is more or less alone. His closest friend is Cat. He ... knows his co-workers but that's it. Sometimes he'll go to a theatre to watch a play or a film. Which is so much better when there is no company that keeps talking... :p

**Just driving through the city, holding hands and being happy**

  
“I don't have much money. RSP is not _that_ popular. Or even famous. Do you?”  
  
Raphael deadpans. Is Simon serious?  
“I watch dead people stay dead. How much money do you think I make?”  
  
Simon chuckles.  
“Not enough for two beautiful rings? I'll call dad. No wait - he's at work. Shall we visit him?”  
  
“Seeing the parents, huh?”  
Raphi is not nervous. He's just engaged to his therapy partner without a single date or even being boyfriends. BUT they’ve basically had five months of couple therapy!  
  
“You know that he's nice.”  
  
Okay, so if Simon can read his mind this could be _really_ awkward.  
“Yeah, to you. What happens if we show up and tell him I'll steal his boy of 4 years.”  
  
“He'll be incredibly happy! And give us his bank card. And it's not weird, Rapha.”  
  
“I-if you say so, rayito.”  
  
Simon grins and kisses his cheek as they reach a traffic light. After their first endorphin rush they've agreed to kiss only in private. Which doesn't mean they won't touch all the time. Raphael is quite touch starved and Simon complies happily. Five months of sitting near each other didn't surpass him easily, either.  
“What about Si?”  
  
“Calling you 'Yes’ feels weird. Is it okay?”  
  
Simon frowns. Raphael has one (1) second of panic.  
“But you are _my_ sunshine." Simon musters Raphael. "Don't even try. You are. I'll call you mi sol. No discussion.”  
  
The shorter sun rolls his eyes.  
“Then we are sun and sun.”  
  
“No. I'm a small sunshine and you are my sun. Semantics.”  
  
“Learned a new word?”  
  
“You do know I've studied music? _And_ creative writing? Parallel?? I write our songs! I'm a poet!!”  
  
“I've still to listen to even one of your songs.”  
  
“We can go to my apartment later and I'll play some!”  
  
“Great idea, conejito.”  
  
“Bunny?”  
  
“Is that a problem?”  
  
“Not at all, mi sol! Call me that when we’re at Alec’s and he'll adore you!!”  
  
“Uh, okay… Do I wanna know why?”  
Why would his dad be thrilled about a nickname? Which is kinda private??  
  
“He just _loves_ them and has five fluffies at home. Sometimes he'll just sit in the den and watch them run around.”  
  
“That's kinda weird.”  
  
“Hey! He's still my dad.”  
Simon sounds affronted.  
  
“You have a weird dad.”  
  
The tall sun giggles.  
“But don't tell him!”  
  
“Simon!” Raphael sighs. “How far is it?”  
  
“Oh, I've already driven in his direction. Like two minutes? Prepare yourself.”  
Simon chuckles.  
  
Raphael's grip on Simon's hand tightens.  
“I need more time.”  
  
“Do you need a bit to calm down or do you wanna wait some days or weeks? I wouldn't mind, cariño. Just say it and I'll drive home.”  
  
“I… I don't know!”  
  
“We're almost there. We can wait a while in the car and drive away if you still don't feel fine?”  
  
“How did I deserve you?”  
  
“Some sort of Karma? The same reason I deserve you, mi sol. We're here.” Simon parks some houses before the shop so Alec won't see them. “Do you want to come over? Shall I come over?”  
  
Rapha just nods, unclips the seatbelt and opens the door. At first he walks around the car but he runs the last metres. Meanwhile Simon has opened his door and his seatbelt. Also his arms and heart.  
“Thank you. For understanding. And being there. And being you. Rayito.”  
He sits down in Simon’s lap and nuzzles into his neck. He relaxes immediately.  
“You freaking nerd. How did you know I'd freak out? Why did you use lavender fragrance??”  
  
“Rapha? That's your aftershave.”  
  
“I didn't shave today. What are you talking about.”  
  
“I'm _so_ googling that at home.”  
  
“Naw. Now. Get out your phone. We're googling… what are we googling?”  
  
“I do neck and lavender, you do necks and lavender.”  
  
Several minutes and many exclusions later Simon screeches.  
“This might be weird but there's this kinda old book and the neck of the love of your life smells like lavender. But the main love interest doesn't smell like that at first. I'm confused. Did you find something? Rapha? Hey.”  
He sneaks a look on Rapha’s phone. Pubmed. Smart boy. Simon didn't know he could fall deeper in love.  
  
“Uh, I got this article - peer reviewed, conejito - that says it's similar to when you kiss and it tastes great. Some people's neck odour molecules adhere to molecules in others’ noses and they connect to the molecule of lavender. It's supposed to bond mates and calm each other down when they hug.”  
  
“I didn't even like it before I smelled you.”  
  
“I'm magical, I guess.”  
Raphael giggles.  
  
”Yep. But we're telling nobody, okay? This is way too weird.”  
  
“Hell yeah. Based on a teen novel that started a decade ago and one article, though from pubmed.”  
  
Simon stares at his boy. Two nerds in love.  
  
“So beautiful.”  
Rapha clasps his hands over his mouth.  
“I'm sorry! I- Oh, no! I don't-! Simon, please!”  
  
“Rapha. Mi sol. Nonono. Your fake-father lied because he was ugly to the bone. You are beautiful, too, cariño.”  
He kisses Raphael’s cheek softly.  
  
Raphael frowns.  
“I'm not beautiful. Boys aren't beautiful.”  
  
Simon frowns, too.  
“Of course, you are.”  
  
“No. You don't say beautiful to a boy.”  
  
Simon sighs but he has an idea.  
“To a man?”  
  
“Uhm. He never said anything about that.”  
  
“You’re 24. You're allowed to be the most beau-ti-ful person on earth, okay?”  
  
“No, then that'd be you.”  
  
Simon groans at that.  
“Are you serious?”  
  
He giggles “No, you're second after me.”  
  
“Rapha!”  
  
“I figured you wanted honesty.”  
  
“If you weren't so pretty I'd be mad at you. You know that, don't you?” Raphael just grins widely. “Can I kiss you? It's not super public but you don't have to agree.”  
  
Raphael hums. And smells Simon’s neck once more.  
“Are we made for each other?”  
  
“Feels like it, cariño.”  
  
“Good. But I'm afraid we won't stop if we kiss and I want to meet my father-in-law to be.”  
  
Simon beams - rayito - and just kisses Raphael's temple.  
“You sure?”  
  
“I'm calm. Just stay close.”  
  
“Forever, cariño.”  
  
The cariño pecks him on the lips and jumps out of the car.  
“Then let's go!”  
  


* * *

  
  
  
They enter and Raphael freezes.  
He whispers “You didn't tell me he's _huge_!!”  
  
“I thought you knew him?”  
  
“Yeah, like almost 10 years ago! I was high, Simon!!”  
  
“Hey Simon! Bringing a n- Raphael???”  
  
“Si, help!” Raphael whines.  
  
Simon's grip tightens softly and his thumb strokes over his sun's hand.  
“I'm here with you, mi sol. He is a nice person.” Then louder “Hi, Alec! Yeah, you still recognise him?”  
  
“Of course, I do! The small boy. It's been like seven or eight years? You were 16, she was… 20? How are you, buddy? You haven't grown much, have you?”  
Alec chuckles but stays back. He sees that Raphael is uncomfortable.  
  
“Cariño, do you want to say it? ... Rapha?” Simon sighs and hugs him with the other arm. “He's engaged, Alec.”  
  
“He what? To whom? He’s like … uh 23? No 24. That's too young!”  
  
“Yeah, well, at least none of us is pregnant.”  
At which Raphi hides in his shirt.  
“No, the neck, Rapha. Like earlier.”  
He lets go of his hand, carefully leads his fiancé to the place and runs the fingers through Raphael’s hair.  
  
Alec takes a couple moments.  
“You- ohh he’s Therapy Rapha?”  
  
Raphael's head shoots up.  
“You talked about me?”  
  
“Of course, I did, cariño. A lot. All the time. You know me. How couldn't I talk about the most amazing person in the world?”  
He whispers before he kisses his cheek.  
  
“And you said Rapha.”  
He slow blinks.  
  
Simon grins cheeky.  
“You couldn't sue me when you didn't know about it.”  
  
Alec realises...  
“You can't marry! You're brothers!!”  
  
“Alec. No. Stop it.”  
  
“Alec YES! My boys can't marry! You're too young anyways!!”  
  
“I'll assume you won't give me money for rings?”  
  
“NO!!!”  
  
“Promise rings at least?”  
Simon goes for puppy eyes.  
  
“What’s that, conejito?”  
  
“Like engagement but when you're _too young_ ”, a glance at Alec, “unsure or wanna wait a while until the wedding.”  
  
“Maybe we should move in first? And see how it goes?”  
  
Simon kisses Rapha’s nose.  
  
Alec has a weird feeling.  
“How long _exactly_ are you dating?”  
  
“About 5 months now?”  
They met for an hour and talked. That's the definition of a date, isn't it?  
  
“Nonono. 5 months ago you met each other. 5 months ago you developed a crush.” Raphael gasps. “When did you start _dating_.”  
  
Simon blushes.  
“An hour ago?”  
  
“WHAT?! Simon you can't ask random people to marry you!!”  
  
“He's not a random person! I know him better than most spouses know each other! I won't ever want anybody else!”  
  
Raphael hugs Simon properly.  
“It's okay, conejito. We'll do this promise thing for a year and decide then, okay? It's kinda sensible to know each other in daily life. And maybe there are other things we can now talk about in therapy?  
  
“Have you two talked about Maureen?”  
  
“Today. And Clare. And bitch.”  
  
“Who's- oh. Thanks.”  
Raphael smiles shyly and looks at the floor.  
  
“I know both sides now and I still hate her, cariño.”  
  
“Holy Unicorn, you guys are freaking made for each other!! Can I join?”  
  
The two boys look at each other and nod. Alec runs over to his boys and squeezes the air out of both of them.  
  
“Dad! Air!” Simon pants.  
  
Alec steps back reluctantly.  
“Don't call me that. I'm 4 years older than you. I'd be your brother!”  
  
“Which is why you say 'my boys’. And 4 and a half. Almost 5. Oldie.”  
  
“Shut up, shorty.”  
  
Raphael sobs and hides in Simon's neck. Do your calming magic!  
  
“Hey! Mi sol! Shine! Don't cry! What's wrong??”  
  
“Raphael? I was joking with Simon. Don't be sad.”  
Alec pats Raphael’s shoulder awkwardly.  
  
“I- I just- miss my- si- siblings!”  
  
“Mi sol, I got a feeling you'll find one very soon. First we'll get some promises, okay? Please don't cry.”  
  
“How… do you... know? Why are you… always this rayito? Always my conejito??”  
  
“Did you just call him bunny? And earlier, too?”  
  
You have never seen someone blush so hard so fast.  
“Yeah.”  
He hides in Simon's neck again.  
  
Alec screeches and hugs them again.  
“I love you already! Again!!”  
  
“Da-aalec! Please!”  
  
“I'll close for today and we're going to Mel’s and get you some rings.”  
Alec is that enthusiastic he didn't notice Simon calling him (not) dad.  
  
“Uhm, Alec?”  
This is the first time Rapha actually addresses Alec.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“I work at a graveyard. I can't wear a ring at work. And let's be honest, Simon would lose his in 4 minutes. What about necklaces?”  
  
“Cariño? First of all… ah fuck you're right. But how long have you thought about this?”  
  
Raphael goes back into hiding but not before both see his heavy blush return. Simon smiles proudly at his dad, who ruffles through his hair.  
  
“You couldn't have gotten someone better. Both of you. I approve. Now SHOPPING!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Further explanation on all their relationships in Lavender Bunnies. Or not. You'll still have to wait a few months sorry. ^^


End file.
